Friday, 7 October 2011

EX - pectations.... What are yours?

Friends with an ex - fact or fable? Is it possible?

Mutual respect, civility, loyalty, a sense of friendship... these things are qualities of a good pet! Also..... they are a recipe for getting along post break- up -  but here's the problem - during a break up a lot of the time neither party has their best face on. Due to a lack of good behaviour the idea of a former couple being friends is sadly out of reach. As the famous author Elizabeth Gilbert has assessed : “Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.” When I'm talking break-ups I'm not just talking about your romantic unions - the loss of a platonic relationship or serious fall out with a family member can be just as distressing - If not more so.

You can't be BFF's with everybody! Sometimes this is for the best but everyone has a duty to themselves to respect what they had and call it a day. People change. Grow up. Evolve - whatever. Every relationship or friendship ends for a reason but decency shouldn't. Being courteous and polite is important as hostility is not a pleasant lane to saunter down. A lot of exes from a romantic context maintain contact and a friendship but it extends to a series of factors - a mutual break-up or the fizzling out of a relationship makes it easier for both parties to move onwards. It's very easy to glorify something through rose tinted glasses. Similar principles apply to friendship - but usually the air of awkwardness if something has gone pear shaped is hard to overcome but sensitivity is important. At least with men a few punches are thrown and then it can be out of their system - a generalization I'm aware - but whatever. But, with girls - sometimes there can be a more cunning prerogative. Elizabeth Gilbert explores the concept of love, soulmates and relationships in her book 'Eat, Pray, Love'. This book is complex in my opinion but explains how the best and most fulfilling relationship you will have in your entire existence is with yourself. The whole concept is liberating and meaningful. I like to think I am an optimist. I truly believe that friendship is the key to happiness.  To me, my sisters and closest friends aswell as my boyfriend feel like my soul mates. 

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 

― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love

But the most important thing to do is open your eyes. Appreciate who appreciates you in every kind of relationship that you have. And to put a new spin on the cliche but there is plenty more fish in the sea... So go swimming;) In the long run focus on your happiness, petty hear'say is awkward after a fall out but being the bigger person is not just the honorable route - it's the best one. Everyone will have their opinions and notions but leave them to it. Have no regrets, because you are officially toughened up. Any break up is tough but regardless of whether it was you or your then partner or friend that closed the curtains it prepares you for something bigger and better. The former relationship was the test run for the real thing.
 As John Lennon said :"I get by with a little help from my friends." 

Love is just around the corner. No matter what form it may take.
I'd bet my last rolo on it.

xo L

No comments:

Post a Comment